I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
