OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
