If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
