theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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