I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
