I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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