Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
