i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
