That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
