I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
