I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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