Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
