I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
