my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
