your room smells of hookers.
And success
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
