I'm really into asian looking animals
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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