Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
