??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
