Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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