Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
