You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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