Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
