things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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