Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
