Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
