Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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