Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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