When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
