i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I believe in your delicious
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
