when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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