I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
