mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
