I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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