Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
