last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
