i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
