she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
