I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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