The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
