Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
