Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
