sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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