Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
