Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
