(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
