Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We're too hungover to prance.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
