We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
