So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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