nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
