Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And then the night went full on bisexual.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
