dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
