last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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