I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
