How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
