I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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