I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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