god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
