i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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