I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
