Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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