you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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