I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
