put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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