you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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