It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
