Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
