Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
