we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
