Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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