Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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