honey bunches of taint.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I pour the whiskey from now on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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